NOT THE HAIR! AUGH!
by Forever Shadow
Summary: This a funny story (as the title clearly indicates, in my opinion. lol) about how the gang returns to Cloud's little get-away in Costa Del Sol and their life thereafter. I'm running out of room now...and to reveal any more would be stupid!
1. A little encounter in the bathroom

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my ideas.  
  
NOT THE HAIR!! AUGH!!!!! Chapter 1: A little encounter in the bathroom  
  
It all began after the gang had saved the world from Meteor. Midgar had been demolished, the population of the world decimated. All 9 of the gang were tired. They headed off to Cloud's little getaway in Costa Del Sol.  
  
They got in, had dinner, and went to sleep.  
  
THE NEXT DAY  
  
As the gentle dawn with fingertips of rose touched the world, Tifa woke up next to Cloud. she remembered last night and blushed rosily. She went to the bathroom to get dressed and make breakfast.  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
At the same time, Yuffie woke up next to Vincent. She recalled the night before and laughed exuberantly. She gave Vincent a light kiss on the forehead, and went to the bathroom to get dressed.  
  
(In this fic, there are now two bathrooms in Cloud's house in Costa Del Sol. lol) Tifa was enjoying one of the best showers of her life. Suddenly, the door banged open and Cid shuffled in. Apparently he was deaf, as he didn't hear the shower running. Anyway, he went to the sink and started brushing. Tifa, meanwhile, was freaking out. I mean, who wouldn't be? So she turned off the shower, put on her towel, and said, "Cid! I'm in the bathroom!" ...No answer. "CID! I'm in the bathroom!" ...No answer. This drove her over the edge. "CID! I'M IN THE FRICKING BATHROOM, YA RETARDED MORON!" Cid groggily looked over at Tifa, who was huddling in her towel behind the translucent glass. He jerked upright, gave a startled oath, and ran out of the bathroom muttering curses under his breath.  
  
MEANWHILE AGAIN  
  
Yuffie was relieving herself after quite a while (The whole game!! That's pretty long! lmao) and she gave a contented sigh. Suddenly, she heard: "CID! I'M IN THE FRICKING BATHROOM, YA RETARDED MORON!" Yuffie, hearing the voice and recognizing it as Tifa's, started cracking up. But then, she caught the faint sound of the creaking board outside the bathroom door. She panicked. She bolted up, ran to the door, and...was too late. Cid had just opened the door and was now standing there like a poleaxed deer in the path of a car. Her embarassment fueled her limit break, and she used All Creation. He was blasted back through the door, and out of the window next to the door. (Shut up...there's a window there if I say there is. ) Yuffie, white faced and panting, shut the door with trembling fingers. She slowly locked the door, and went back to the Bowl of Doom. (The toilet. lol)  
  
JUST BEFORE  
  
Cloud, hearing Tifa's yell, sat bolt upright. Then he realized what she had yelled, and chuckled. He slowly went back under the blankets and slid back asleep.  
  
A LITTLE FURTHER BACK THAN JUST BEFORE  
  
Vincent, his amazingly tuned-in senses picking up the slight movement of the bed cause by Yuffie's graceful departure, woke him up. He was on his way to the bathroom furthest from his room, because Yuffie would have gone into the closest one, when he heard Tifa's yell. His face registered no more emotion than a slight smile growing at the edges of his mouth and amusement causing his eyes to glow with merriment. He turned toward the kitchen and started on breakfast. 


	2. Food Poisoning, Death, Destruction, andC...

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything except my ideas.  
  
NOT THE HAIR!! AUGH!!!!!  
  
Chapter 2: Food Poisoning, Death, Destruction, and...Chickens?!  
  
1 HOUR LATER  
  
When the middle-aged Dawn with fingertips of hot, scorching fire touched Cloud's house, (at noon, ) everybody had come to the kitchen. They were all seated at the table with the exception of Vincent, and the girls weren't happy. Tifa and Yuffie kept giving Cid the Evil-Eye, and their expressions promised vengeance. He cowered against the back of his chair and used a noticeably less amount of profanity. Vincent came to the table holding a pan of what appeared to be some freaky mixture of barf, some poop, and some charcoal. Everyone blanched and then tried to disguise it. Vincent acted as if he didn't notice. He laid the pan on the table and served everyone equal slices. They chokingly forced it down their throats and tried to act as if they enjoyed it, without much success. Vincent looked hurt.  
  
A FEW HOURS LATER  
  
Cloud didn't feel so well. He went to his room and laid down. All the others cam and visited him and asked if he was O.K. at some time or other, and he answered he was fine...although he obviously wasn't. He had a very high fever and severe stomach and body pains. Tifa called the doctor. He said he'd be over the next day. Little did she know that if he didn't get there within the hour, VERY bad things would happen...(vague enough for you? lol)  
  
1 HOUR LATER  
  
Cloud was having nightmares. He dreamed that his hair had turned into steel as sharp as the Ultima Weapon, and he Sephiroth had taken away the Ultima Weapon and he was forced to fight Sephiroth with nothing but him...and his hair. (XD!)  
  
IN REALITY  
  
Cloud jumped up out of his bed. (He was sleepwalking, people. ) Anyhow, he jumped up out of his bed, his head down like a charging bull's head. He ran at the door and broke it open with his hair, which, even in reality, was hard as a rock.kind of like his head. (But that's just my opinion.lol) Anyway.he broke the door with his hair, and ran out of the house, breaking the front door also. In his mind, he was chasing after Sephiroth, and was killing enemies with his hair, not doors. He went to the beach where he had found Hojo (Or as I like to call him, Hobo. lol) and ran straight at some kids just about to run into the ocean. They had heard the rumors about the spiky headed person who had bought the President's House, and had heard he was really strong and mean. And now they saw him charging at them with his head lowered.the front boy yelled, "NOT THE HAIR!! AUGH!!!!" The middle boy used a new variation of the Transform materia to pointlessly transform himself into a chicken and ran away, and the last boy screamed, "LOOK OUT! IT'S WHORE HEAD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and ran away. Cloud now turned around and trashed the inn and the surrounding shops with his deadly hair. He then proceeded to collapse.  
  
THE NEXT DAY  
  
The gang had brought Cloud back to his house, and the doctor had proclaimed his ailing Food Poisoning. Tifa, worried about Cloud, said, "Will he be OK, Doctor? It's not too serious, is it? (Your addiction to soap opera lines isn't too serious, is it, Tifa? (Who in real life is represented by a friend of mine) ) Anyhow, the doctor gave them some antibiotics and a week later Cloud was fine. Later on, Tifa kindly told Vincent that she would do the breakfast from now on, he didn't need to work so hard. (Lol!) 


End file.
